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by KALI MASI

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1.
Still Life 05:39
Soft as Silk, Cool as Clay- we’re thrown into a promise kiln made to break your heart of glass Like flowers, we all wilt on a winter days, Our brittle stems get cut too soon to bloom. Ash to Ash, all too soon. I heard a sad song in a grocery played over High School Shooting Mourning Shoppers. The Still Life of bruising fruit cloaked us in its sweet perfume. We were cracking ourselves up. Now my voice cracks when they mention you. I packed a lens, thought it would heal you If you could see for yourself inside a different light Focus on the real you. Push-pinned to walls and taped to mirrors, meant to be revered: the image of you. [CUT TO] Refracted light covering pews The messes of flown-in friends in borrowed suits (To leave a glass half-full and a small town gutted) I’m seeing red through all the blues White roses bow their stems unto  The image of you, living proof. I never said I love you, I guess I thought you knew. Ripples make the waves make the shorelines cave– we all do. I can’t say I’ve carried the weight in the invisible ways some do. The taller the mountain, the sweeter the view. Now I’m walking the bridge in your shoes, My demons loom and they’re telling me to do it. Seduced by stunts that seem profound but don’t end the pain, they just push it around. My fingers laced a crown/the crowd wet-faced for birthdays spent uncrowned Our quiet march to view the image of you. So, can I get a little noise made in here for my brothers? One out from the bottle, one out from the bitter. And can I get little noise made in here for my Mother? Three boys by herself. Beat hunger, carcinoma. Some noise made here for my Father? Brought his chin up, brought himself up, calls to check up Sundays still. Can we make some noise for each other? We’ll never fall short as long as we’re reaching. We’re never alone if there’s two hearts beating. I see no reason why any should fall victim again to a fools call.
 Fall victim again, 
If you needed a friend– Yeah, I still get angry when I feel the void. I feel shame when I don't feel joy.  So will you please make some noise?

 I get embarrassed and I get choked up when I lust for the rope up. When the fools call lingers on my mind like the pool hall smoke stuck in our clothes. Sometimes my head hangs so low I could swear that I’m in hell. So in your wake I volunteer: Custodian to fear and sorrow, to mine unfading grief for peace.  Through your ghost I see it clear; the silver lining cast along the image of you. Like shadows cast by bruising fruit, Stretched behind glass, forever viewed. Like ash survived by all our action, The framed still life of—
2.
Looks like tonight I'm on my own I've got no right to piss and moan There is a light that's in your eyes Reminiscent of my own. My god, My face has aged to fit my father's disappointed gaze. All painted grey, Like he is today I'm runnin' outta shit to tell Kayleen. I can never lay down- I’ve got to be held down Counting flaws, I count the sheep I herd around I’m running out of solid ground But you keep me around like the family hound I’m down and out  but I'm not in the ground My god, My face has aged to fit my fathers anti-adolescent gaze All I touch just turns away Would I hang up the crown if it meant that the day was a frame to be stolen and hidden away? No more nights spent nailed in place. (I feel so stretched in many ways) So paint me jade with dreams washed down the drain I don't feel the way I'd like to, this was not the way I planned my life to be. And I keep greeting you with apologies, saying 'hey, It's just my life's in disarray'. I almost dug myself a grave, I fight the thought off everyday, but I'm glad you're here to say…
3.
A once in a lifetime opportunity and there’s no telling what you’ll do to me I’m over the border, I’m neck-lined in water And over my shoulder you’ll always be. There’s nothing I’m missing that's worth reminiscing, I don’t like how much I like it. 

Tonights the night
 and it’s a high tide of tasteless water. So raise a glass and drown in it. It 
hurts to laugh at jokes you don’t get. If I could fix my two left feet, a better son I’d be
. You told me once you knew me
, now I’m begging you to do it. It left a bruise, I choked on the hue
. I studied the profile, it looked like you. 10 years in a vice, now it’s a 
20 dollar sessions for the rest of my life. It’s a “saccharin-texts-to-dead-friends” depression. Repenting Science Fiction secret Spotify Sessions. Horcrux exes, left hexed, thin skin, weak stomach
. Wondering if other opened letters feel gutted. 

There's no easy way to say, but I’ve got to
 find a better way to get on, too.
 There's something about you that’s gone rotten
 So you go your way, and 
I’ll act like I forgot

. There’s no easy way to say but I’ve got to 
find a better way to hold onto
 a part of myself that I loved that I’ve lost. 
So you go your way, and 
I’ll act like I forgot mine
. I’ll shed my bandage and I’ll show you where the brand is. Wish I could say that I don’t mind it that I’m out and free and clear. A lot of salt behind the tears, A hate still ringing in my ears, I
t’s tough to roll with punches when they’re landing on the mirror, Old habits die hard. Yeah, It’s all so hard to hear.
4.
Told all of our friends about the news Drove through Indiana unamused by the two black dogs playing catch with the cars on the dirt road, small town. It should be a moment Yeah, it should be a memory. It’s just close quarters and loose-change jangling. I can’t tell if I’ve got the right to be angry when the world’s just passing us by and inside nothings changing. Feels like nothing ever changes these days. 
The shoulders got colder as we go through
, all the things I held grey-blued. The future’s getting harder to find these days
 and the past is harder to get to. Your anger is an arrow; My Frustration is a wall
. One will strike you down and one divides us all.
 People are strange. I’m estranged. I’m a stranger.
 And that’s another thing that’s gonna have to change. It feels like nothing ever changes. Spoken: [It should be a moment of surreal peace and unity if it weren’t for the don’t-snap-at-me bickering and tension. It’s sad that it always gets this way. I’ve found myself screaming at strangers in invented situations in my head, and searching: 
-Who signs first on behalf of a group?
 -Separation anxiety
 -Youngest sibling depression
 -How to mediate group discussions -Imposter syndrome  -And Net v Gross]
 You held your guilt like a gun, But what are you running away from?
 You’d shoot a glare at the sun And blame your closed eyes on the sunlight Shooting stars in the daylight will make you stare at the sun
5.
Short Term 00:28
For the phone calls that I won’t get to ignore Rest your claustrophobia I’s- They’re desperate to find their consonance 
6.
Long Term 04:30
There’s a Monarch stuck in the grill of your sedan and an Atlas moth tucked in your waistband
. We’re doing the rain dance, wishing we were famous Both take their payments, so keep cupping your hands. I’m not alone but lonely
, I thought you’d never ask
. You left the pines of your home for the palm trees
 Now you pine for the palms of your friends
 (Branching, Bowing, Bent)
 Now nobody kicks me when I’m up
 or drags me down
 Fuck ‘em all
. Look how young we’ll always be! We’ll never tell how old it’s been getting. We’re like painted frost on plastic trees
- Just chilling, How about you? It’s three  blocks to your new spot, but I never see you. If Summer never slept I’d still Fall for you I’d swim all the C’s in succinct– that’s Long-Term Abuse. (Saved but never spent) And nobody saw me get back up after you left town. You euthanized my will to fight and understand. The leash outlives it’s dog You’re tattooed into my waistband. Gaslit by your own lamplighter. The happy medium predicts he’s a fucking liar I’m not afraid to be alone. I’m not ashamed to be consoled. You say this isn’t what you paid for and you’re right
, But that’s not the point, cuz someone somewhere tied your cape too tight. I’ve walked umbrella-less through the nights it was raining to find: -The brightest parts of life are in living  -There isn’t anything I wanna keep hidden
 -True friends are hard find
. So black umbrellas go up and it’s raining, we’re gonna let you down. I wouldn't mourn it if it wasn't worth saving, I’m gonna watch you drown. To the phone calls that I won’t get to ignore: Rest your Claustrophobia I’s  They’re desperate to find their consonants.
7.
Freer 02:57
You lit me up like a firework I stuck myself inside of a can Like a man, I thought I was the mortar. We were standing lakeside, bathed in the red of CVS lights. I’m sure that someone’s got a photo of us on that night. Under fireworks, I stuck myself inside of a can. What a man, I thought. I was a martyr. We were learning lip slides late into those August nights Sweat and Jackie’s on our brows, a sweetness not yet soured by the orange glow, The things it had to know, The rent that we now owe, And an insatiable need to be Wherever, whenever. You had me up on the wirework, I stuffed myself up with “I can’s” and the grandstand all chanted “higher”. Yeah, it all went slipping’ from my grasp, our matching caskets smashed ‘Star 51 ’unfastened from the ragged flag Under fireworks, I stuck myself inside of a can Like a man, I thought I was a martyr Red letter days at stateside homes I’ll say it even if you won’t- When we’re out having drinks we’re playing hide-and-go-seek with ourselves. 
I’m Just trying to be
 whatever it means
 to be Freer.
 Under an orange glow, sweet autumn only knows Chicago
. Like rents un-payable
 and your fist through the wall
, and the insatiable need to be. Under the heavy glow of things it had to know. The rent that we now owe And an insatiable need to be Wherever, whenever.

 An insatiable need to be.
8.
Trophy Deer 02:52
Hey man– 
think you hold my jacket? I think I wanna dance tonight. But find me before you go
, I don’t wanna ride home alone. 

I was the new kid in a rich town
, not a lot of friends around
. But I found 
the only other one in the neighborhood
, Our bond was unbreakable.
 Some people change but we won’t-
 Be everything we could be
 ‘Cuz the pact that we made 
fit like cement shoes that looked good in our youth
. But the waters up to our necks now
, we gotta get out.
 I don’t wanna be a souvenir.
 Got my own way to go, and I hope I see you there
 when the smoke clears

 The inside jokes 
in new inner circles
 outside our old haunts made an outsider out of me.
 I saw how much it lit you up
 to beat me down
. You fly me like a fighter kite
. I wish you’d cut my line and make it right
. But, I’m the crutch and I’m the sprain–
 it’s a complex duality. 

There’s poison in the words you use.
 I grew up excluded and you press on the bruise.
 There’s a breeze I feel within me
, and it’s taking me to places that you’d never believe. 

But I won’t be everything that I could be. 
And I won’t be everything that I should.

 I don’t wanna be a souvenir
 I’ve got my own way to go
 and I hope I see you there
. I don’t wanna be your trophy deer
 Let go my rein and I’d remain
 I don’t wanna be your souvenir.
9.
Rest in the way that you find grace. 

Like candles in the wind- we’ll fade.
 We’re fain to light the way with our mistakes, 
but rest in the way that you find grace. 

Arrested at age 14
, stupid drunk and out too late
. I said ‘I’ll go
’ Mom said ‘wait

’. Love is not the way 
to keep someone captive.
 Friendship’s not a collar leashing mercy to a master but in the turn of the page
, In the drag of a cigarette
, In the hum of the planes. 
You find grace. 

What hasn’t been done What hasn’t been said My tongue’s caught in a hesitant safety net
. In the back of my head
 I hear quartets of dread singing hymns of the guilt choir. 

In the waltz of my days I danced through false shortcuts
 The tinctures cut with lavender
– I was Aced by a King that couldn’t call a Spade what it is.

 And In the deep of my sleep, The pine trees are like saw teeth
 tearing up the love letter penned from 
setting sun 
to starless night.
 I had that dream again.

 Where I can’t get up
 and you can’t get in
 and the flames all start to lap at the corners of my bed
. The imminent collapse, your laugh
, the nightmares that our actions project.
 What can’t be undone What can’t be unsaid My tongues caught in a hesitant safety net. And in the back of my head
 the truth is written in a shorthand that I can’t read yet. 
Was I a chambermaid for shame? 
Made to clean the wax off from your wane? 
A sinking city set ablaze,
I was bombed by thinking part of you could change. 

I’ll never fade.
 The way that I felt then 
is still the way I feel today
. It’s still the same,  The same old song I sing, 
I’ll sing it to the grave. 

And when I die
, they’ll burn my bones to ash 
and they’ll sing Amazing Grace. And when you die
, they’ll bury you with all that money that you saved 
and hold their noses pouring concrete on your grave.

 I’m not ashamed to live and I’m not afraid to die.
 That song I sing will harmonize: The world of which we were born into is not the one we’ll leave behind. 

Rest in the way that you find grace.
 — In the lucent light of morning we sit quiet in your car I draw your lifeline on a napkin, tell me when I've gone too far

 We can’t expect to change the things we’re too afraid to face
 If all I say is ‘sorry’ and all that you can say is ‘thanks’ 

I never meant to hurt the one that chain-stitched both our names
 my red initials swooping gracefully across your green 

Pain is ever-present, that's the hand that we’re all dealt.
 But in each moment recurring there is meaning in what's felt. You were here
10.
The Stray 03:31
Hold me like a bouquet bound to be thrown over your shoulder
 Spit my name out like a dog that needs to be put down
 Dance in my light
 Dig your heels in my spine
 I’m upright now (Amour Propre) 
To know you is to kneel.
 A rest that wasn’t real.
 I’m up right now (Vive Ta Misere) 

But I know you And you need it bad.
 Found your fix, but you can’t quite grip it
 Control’s a drug that you can’t quit.
 You’re lost and losing it. 

Nothing feels right
 Apprehension
 Skin feels shrunken
 too much tension
 When feet swing over the wall 
and heels dig into the earth
 There will be no more running from ourselves.
 The trailing haunt of malaise is there in the narrow gaze of the stray I became.

 I know you
 And you need it bad
 Found you fix but you can’t quite grip it
 Control’s the drug that you can’t quit
 You’re lost and losing it.

 I’ll miss the pull
 of the prongs
 in my collar,  and how that felt like someone cared
 to keep from what I wanted, me.
 We writhe from want and grow from need. 

But there’ll be no-one to blame when I’m out of the way
 and the demon drowning well has dried.
 If having grip of the rein  is what you need to keep sane 
Canter frenetic to a shallow, shameful grave. 

I don’t believe in constellations even when my stars align. Luck is made with good intention, love and grace.

about

If there’s one word that can describe [laughs], Kali Masi’s second full-length album, it’s deliverance. On their new record, the Chicago-based indie punk outfit strives to break out of their personal chains to forge a path we all search for. The album is a collection of ambitious songs, musically and lyrically, centering around the universal truth that the power and courage to be who we are is and always has been inside of ourselves — rather than in the arms and minds of those around us. 

Singer and guitarist Sam Porter shares the earnest narrative of feeling out of place both in your hometown and your own skin, and exploring that alienation as we strive for growth. The wailing guitars and powerful drums complement the urgent calls for clarity and understanding, noting the crushing emptiness of loss contrasted by the bittersweet reminiscence of youth.

Kali Masi have never been a band to hold anything back, and the four-piece stays true to this promise on the new LP. From start to finish, [laughs] is cutting, crucial and honest, with poetic recollections and curses of the past juxtaposed by contemplative acceptance of self in the present. On the new record, the band explores and dissects elements of strained friendships that often go unspoken, sometimes to the point of abandonment beyond repair. 

Recording once again with hardcore icon Jay Maas, co-founder of Defeater, Kali Masi crafted another masterful balance of urgency, tension and alluring instrumental harmony. The seconds between tracks will leave you guessing whether to rest or revel, and no matter which you get, you’re always taken by pleasant surprise. 

The 10 new songs are for feeling lonely in a room full of familiar faces, as well as for restless nights in the throes of transition and growth. No matter where you are in life, Kali Masi is here with an explosive passion for finding who we are — and celebrating it. Take these songs with you as you cut yourself loose of the snares that once made you feel like a prisoner. With [laughs] crashing through your ears, you will be free.

credits

released March 26, 2021

Kali Masi is Anthony Elliott, John Garrison, Wes Moore and Sam Porter

All songs written and performed by Kali Masi.
Piano on ”Short Term” played by Matt Romy.
Recorded, Engineered, Produced and Mixed by Jay Maas in Haverhill, MA in February–March 2020.
Assistant Engineering (and emotional reinforcement) by Dave Alcan.
Mastered by Mike Kalajian at Rogue Planet Mastering
Album Cover photo by Chris Bauer
© KALI MASI 2021 ℗ Take This To Heart Records 2021

Special thanks to our families and friends– Chris Bauer, Joe Deluca, Ryan Grillaert, Kevin McDonald, Ryan Donovan and the Red City Radio crew, James Hull, Matt Barker, Sky McElroy, Less Than Jake, Typesetter, Signals Midwest, Such Gold, Western Settings, Decent Criminal, Vanessa Valadez & Andy Klingensmith at Empty Bliss, Joe Urban, Austin Lucas, Raine Mara, Tim Browne, Mat Alano-Martin, the cooks and crew at Good Measure, Downright Merch, Ratio Beerworks, Audiotree, Seamus Menihane, and The Maas Family.

In loving memory of Mike Scott.

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KALI MASI Chicago, Illinois

Kali Masi is an American punk rock band from Chicago. They've been heavily touring and self-promoting for the last 6 years; steadily evolving the heavy, emotive, and urgent sound found on their 2017 LP 'WIND INSTRUMENT' and the much anticipated 2021 followup '[laughs]' ... more

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